How did I get so lucky?

I guess it's not luck, it's God.

Tonight I am feeling so incredibly blessed to have my little angel. Lillie is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yes, I love Adam more and more each day but I can't describe my love for Lillie. Really, it's incomprehensible. The little smiles she gives me every morning when we wake up melts my heart. I LOVE my sleep, but how could I complain when I have someone so precious to wake up to? I would rather not sleep another minute in my life than not have her. Those blue eyes are to die for and all the brightness that they hold, those little plump cheeks, legs, and belly.. It all just drives me crazy. I have never had as much fun with someone as I have my 6 month old daughter.

My reason for this blog tonight is because of my little break down I just had. If you aren't a Christian or about religion, you can skip this part, but I'm not sorry for including it. Every single night, I say a prayer specifically for Lillie, and tonight after I gave her a night night kiss, I was standing above her crib and started praying for her.  I just thank God for giving me her and ask that He will always keep his hand on her, and allow me to be the mother He would have me to be.  (That's the just of it, I'm not going to explain every detail.) I have my worries, I see kids with cancer and think 'If that ever happens to Lillie, what will I do?' I see sick kids, kids that lose their lives far too young due to accidents, whether it be car accidents, or a different type. But, as I lay here tonight, I just feel peaceful. I just feel like God is going to take care of her. She is totally in His hands.  I will raise her, with Adam, to the best of my ability to go along with God.  I will ask him about the many decisions I have to make for her before making them, I will teach her how to pray, how to love God, and about God, and the rest is up to Him.

Really, Lillie saved me. Before I got pregnant with her, I was nowhere near living like I should have been living.  She allowed me to see the person I needed to be, the person I want to be, not only for Lillie, but for myself, and for my family. She taught me how to love, she allowed me to feel love like I have never felt. Sometimes I think, 'God, how did you do that? How did you send Your son down here to die for us?' Because, if it were me that had to send Lillie to die for other peoples sins, I will be honest, no.. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't send her to die so that other people could be saved.  That may seem selfish but I can't lie, I wouldn't do it.  See, that's how much God cares about us.  He sent His son, the only one he had, to die for other peoples sins. Are we really that worthy? We are to God. I never thought like that until I had Lillie, because I never knew that kind of love. I never knew what it was like to love someone unconditionally, and now I do. Lillie made a big change in my life, I grew up because of her. I'm where I want to be with God, (except I can only hope to grow closer) I have a beautiful family, and I'm 100% happy with everything.

Adam and I were talking tonight and we have come to the conclusion that we can't help but spoil her. She's so perfect.  As soon as Adam comes home, the first thing he wants to do is play with Lillie, and it's so sweet.  She cracks up at him all the time like he's the best thing on earth and she smiles straight for the first 30 minutes that he's home it seems like.  We get frustrated sometimes because she can be a handful, but really, she's a good baby.  She doesn't like unfamiliar faces and she gets scared in a big crowd, but how can I blame her? It's me and her all the time, and Adam in the evenings, we don't go out much right now because it's so cold, and other than ball games, she's never in  large crowds.  She does really well with family members, but other than that, NOPE. Don't get her out of her comfort zone. I've never really thought about it this way until recently, but aren't we all a little uncomfortable in unfamiliar places? We just know how to handle it, all she knows how to do is cry. Other than that, she's a happy girl.

My favorite thing to watch her do at the moment is jump in her Jumparoo.  She LOVES it and those little legs go 100 mph. I better be careful, she might work those little fat rolls I love so much off. :) Her favorite thing to do is jump, look in the mirror,  and watch people take a drink. Weird, huh? She also likes drinking out of my water bottles, which is SO cute. She's getting to where she reaches for everything, I can no longer hold her and text because it's the biggest struggle of my life. She likes to kick and when she gets really excited she screams as loud as she can. (another favorite of mine) She really likes to watch basketball on TV because all of the running back and forth but she's into sprout too. She doesn't have a preference yet, as long as there are a lot of colors, but my favorite it Super Why!

My big girl is 6 months old today, isn't that unbelievable? Time sure does fly, and I love her more with each passing second. I can't believe in another SHORT 6 months, I'll be having her very first birthday party and watching her hit many new milestones in her life. I love you, Lillie Bug; and I enjoy watching you grow. Thank you for teaching me so much about love, life, and myself. You're a true miracle and blessing.

Growing and Growing.

My little 5 lb 7 oz baby isn't so little anymore. She's growing faster than I can handle and learning new things every single day. This blog might be useless and no fun to read, but the point of my blogs is that one day I will be able to come back to them and remember all of the things going on in my new life.

This is all of the important dates in Lillie's life so far.
9-28-12- First doctors appointment. 5 lbs 5 oz. 18.5 inches long.
10-4-12-Her umbilical cord fell of. BLECK! Thank God.
10-5-12- Second doctors appointment. Weight check, 6 lbs.
10-26-12- Doctor for weight check.- 8 lbs 5 oz 20 1/2 in.
10-29-12- First time sucking her thumb.
11-9-12-Rolled over to her belly, more out of frustration, she was trying to get her pacy.
11-11-12- First time at church, pastors appreciation day.
12-11-12- Lillie's first set of shots. :(  12 lbs 5 oz/ 22 inches
1-8-13- Held her toy on her seat by herself.
1-11-13- Held her bottle for a little bit on her own.
1-22-13- Laughed out loud at daddy.
1-24-13- Laughed out loud at mommy.
1-24-13- Started oatmeal in her bottle.
2-11-13- Doctor. 2nd set of shots. 16.5 lbs.
2-16-13-Started on baby food. Bananas first.
2-22-13- Discovered her voice. She figured out how to scream and she loves it.
3-1-13- Lillie grabbed her toes.
3-4-13- Sat up on her own for about 10 seconds.

Lillie is SO smart. Thankfully, we've got on our routine and she puts herself to sleep. She takes a nice 2 hour nap during the day in her crib giving me some time to get caught up on house work or just relax and maybe take a nap myself.  She's learned to jump in her 'jumparoo' and she loves laying in the floor now. Currently, we are working on rolling over, she's yet to accomplish getting her shoulders over but she's got the hips and legs down pat. I let her lay in the floor and practice on her own, but I don't force her. She will do it when she's ready and strong enough, she has the amount of tummy time she will tolerate and she's doing perfect. Looking in the mirror is hilarious to her, I haven't figured out yet if she's laughing at me or just at the reflection. She has two nice poops during the day, disgusting now and thickening up thanks to baby food.  Speaking of baby food, green beans and peas are her favorite, followed by sweet potatoes and pears.  She HATES apples and peaches, she gives apples a chance but she won't even try with the peaches, she gags every bite. If she's gets off schedule she's a bit well, psycho, but that's alright, aren't we all a little grouchy when our sleep routine is messed up.  I have to say she's calmed down some, she rarely has her fits but she doesn't do well with people she's not familiar with.  I wish she wasn't that way, that she was a people person and one of those babies that don't seem to care who has them, but she's not and that's okay. She's a mommy's girl so far, she really has no choice, I'm around her 24/7, so she's use to me and I know her needs and cries. 

I couldn't be happier than where I am today. I have my baby girl and a wonderful husband and that's all I need.  Sometimes I'll be holding Lillie or playing with her and I just have to stop for 2 seconds and just say "Thank you, God!" Thank you for my beautiful, healthy angel, thank you for healing her, thank you for waking her up this morning and for another heart beat. I don't know what I did, I'm so unworthy to have all I do, but I'm thankful. Knowing how much she loves me and how much I love her is amazing.  I only hope I can be the parent God wants me to be (and Adam too), and that we always remember to ask for His guidance and do what He would have us to do.

I'm nervous and excited for the years to come of parenting. I'm sure our family will continue to expand (later) and I can only hope that I'll keep a close relationship with my kids and that they can look to Adam and me for advice. Now that I have my own baby, and my own worries, sometimes I just want to go to my mom and say I'M SORRY! I'm sorry for all of the times I was rude and stupid, because I know it will kill me if Lillie acts up towards me and makes me feel like I sometimes made my mom feel. It's not that I was a bad kid, or teen, and was mean to my mom, they raised me better than that and to be honest, my dad would have knocked me across the room had I been that way. But, I did say some things sometimes to my mom that I shouldn't have, I know I've hurt her feelings, I know I've been rude when I didn't always get my way, and I dread the days that Lillie will be like that. I guess if mom and I would have always agreed and always got along, she wouldn't have been a very good mother. I can only hope my Lillie loves me always, even when she doesn't like what I have to say.

Because, one thing I know for sure, I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, love her. More than anything in this world.

1 month old!

2 months!

3 months! 

4 months! 

5 months! 

First time rolling over. 

First shots. Poor thing and her little red eyes.

First time sucking her thumb.

New Mommy Thoughts..

Most of you know I have 4 nieces and 1 nephew who I absolutely adore. Elijah is the oldest and the only boy. He was born in 2006, and I've been baby sitting and taking care of these little cuties since then.  I was 13 when Elijah was born, and I watched him for a few hours alone for the first time when he was about a month old. I'm just comfortable with babies, I'm good at figuring out what they want, I'm good at changing them, bathing them, feeding them, anything .. I'm not trying to brag on me, I'm just telling the truth. I've given them baths when they were just weeks old, I drag them around everywhere, I like for them to spend the night, I could fix their bottles in a matter of seconds, whatever you can think of. They just came natural to me. I thought anyways.

Elijah Matthew, He'll be 7 next month! The only boy!

He doesn't like pictures, so you have to take what you can get.

He's the shy guy.

Audrey Taylor. 4 going on 20.

Total diva.

Alexis Nichole. Also 4. She's the rowdy one.

Brooklyn Alexandra. Getting her dance on here. 2 years old.

She's the little dare devil.

Addison Jade. 1 year. Into everything.

 

Then came my own, Lillie, of course. I didn't really freak out when I had her in the hospital. Kinda though. All of my nieces weighed over 8 pounds when they were born and Elijah was 7lbs 14 oz. So he almost made the cut. Lillie was a whole big 5 lbs 7.3 oz. I thought I was going to break her when I was changing her clothes. That was my only worry in the hospital. I was fine with changing her diapers, cleaning the umbilical cord, I've done all of that before. I also breast fed for a bit so that was new, of course. I'd never even seen it, both of my sisters bottle fed.

Coming home was another story. I of course sat in the back with her, Adam drove us home, I held her head the whole time and on my parents road I made Adam go like 20 mph. He didn't go very fast on the 4 lane either, he was nervous himself. The day after we got home we gave Lillie her first bath. Oh man, I freaked out. Flat out. I'd given them baths before that little, just not my own. I got so hateful with Adam because I was afraid Lillie was getting cold and he couldn't get the little aluminum covering off of her soap. My mom kept saying Kristy! It's okay. You've done this before.. Well, it's a whole different story when it's your own baby. We got her dressed, and I just went in the room and cried my eyes out. I still had my "crazy hormones." I freaked out after I fed her at night because I was afraid she would spit up and choke on it. I had Adam there to help me (on the weekends, we didn't live together yet.) but I still wouldn't wake him up to feed her. I don't know if it's because I didn't want to go downstairs to get him or because I wouldn't let anyone else feed her, because I was scared they wouldn't do it like I did, and they wouldn't tilt her enough so she wouldn't choke, or they would tilt her too much and she would roll over and suffocate. I can't count the number of times my mom tried to get up with her to help me out. I only let her like 3 times, other than that.. nope. And when she would bring her back to put her in her bassinet, I'd have to make sure she was okay. Maybe I won't freak out so much with our next baby.

See how tiny? Excuse him.. he had a dip in his mouth.

See how annoyed and mad Adam looks?

My fault.

 

I think I've got the mommy thing down pat now. I know Lillie's cries, I know when she wants to be left alone, I know when she's tired, all of that. I was never nervous about being able to care for her, I knew I'd figure out her needs. I still get nervous about some things, what to do when she's really sick, what kind of medicines to give her.. all that. She had her first set of shots and got a fever and I freaked out. I usually text my sister and Leslie when I have a question or need to know something quick that I'm worried about. Especially Leslie if it's late, Jessica goes to bed pretty early. haha Then she got a little bit of a cold, I hated putting those stupid saline drops in her nose and sucking her out, she hated it too. I just recently started her on some oatmeal with her formula and I worry every time I give it to her that she will get constipated. Now I'm just waiting on the teething process, she's drooling and chewing on everything already so it's just a matter of time. Poor thing. I wish I could go through the pain for her and in comes her new teeth! I'm sure every mommy feels that way, but unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way.

 

 

My other new mommy thought, it probably sounds dumb but I think about it a lot. Even though Lillie wasn't planned and she IS the best thing that's ever happened to me, I kind of feel bad for bringing her into a world like this one. Where I have to worry about sending her to school, or letting her go to the mall, this place is going crazy. I wouldn't trade the little chunk for anything but sometimes I feel kind of selfish. She's only getting older and the world is only getting crazier. I know it's later for her, and she doesn't have a care in the world but I worry about it. Who would have thought we would have to worry about our kids going to school? At first I thought I'll just home school her, but I can't do that to her. I don't want her to miss out on field trips, sports, prom, dances, football games, bonfires, close knit friendships, all the things that come with school. I know that I can't live in fear but it's hard not to worry already. I'll just have to trust in God to take care of her. 



 



 

The best day of my life.

 

 

September 25, 2012

I was 38 weeks and it was time to introduce my baby girl to this big crazy world! I was so nervous and scared, ready to get her out of there, but nervous and scared. I was suppose to go to the hospital at 5 am but I was so scared my doctor told me to go at midnight so I would have some time to get comfortable and prepared...if you can prepare yourself for that. So Adam and I left my parents around 11:00, stopped at Mcdonalds so I could eat before I went in, and then headed on in to Holston Valley Hospital. They asked me a bunch of questions, gave me a gown.. all that. I don't know who my nurse was that night but man, I couldn't wait for the next rotation that's for sure. I'm scared terrified of needles, I was more nervous about the IV than anything, so I asked her if they had anything that she could put on it first to numb my skin (Indian Path does) because I was so scared.. She said "no, we don't.. and this one is a big one too." I thought, "well thank you..idiot." Anyways, she put my IV in before she left but they weren't going to start the pitocin until about 3 am.. how stupid was that, just stick an uncomfortable needle in me for a while for absolutely no reason. Thanks. Adam and I got a few hours of sleep before she came back in to start the pitocin, she put that saline in my veins and I almost threw up all over her, that's the most disgusting feeling I've ever felt. After that I got a few more hours of sleep and Dr. Beckner came in to break my water at 7am, WORST PAIN EVER. (my sister told me it didn't hurt..liar. Big, big, big, liar. Seriously, maybe it was just me but that was the worst part of the whole delivery. When he broke it, I didn't feel anything, no water, didn't feel like I had peed the bed, nothing. Dr. Beckner said nothing really came out but we figured that was normal since my fluid was low anyways. Shortly after that, I called for the epidural. I was scared of that part too, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Adam actually did worse than I did, the smell of the spray they spray on my back almost made him pass out. I was holding on to him while she was doing it then I was holding on to the nurse, I didn't even notice it, I was so focused on not moving, and not screaming. The sting hurt, it wasn't unbearable but it hurt, and I didn't like the clicking I could feel in my back, or the pressure. Yuck.

My face is so swollen.

 

The process from there was pretty slow, I didn't get to nap much due to people coming in and out. My mom was the second one to get there.. She got there around 7am. Everyone else probably came at like 2, minus my sisters, who were working. Nurses came in and checked me, changed medicine bags, all that.. if you've ever had a hospital stay, you know there's no sleep involved, maybe they're trying to prep me for the sleepless nights I'd be experiencing pretty soon. The nurse (who I LOVED) came back in to check me at 3:00 pm, and when she did.. my water broke, turns out Dr. B just nicked it, and it didn't fully break. Blah Blah. I was starving, did I mention they don't let you eat anything but ice? Adam was hungry too, his parents brought him back japanese but I asked him to leave to eat it because I couldn't take it, it would be like pure torture him sitting there eating that in front of me. While he was gone his brothers and sister in laws came in. Nick, Leslie, Jake, and Kelly. Nobody else was in there, they had all gone to the waiting room. I was laying on my side facing Leslie and the rest of them were, well, kinda at my butt. To be honest, I thought either my ribs were breaking or I was just filled up with gas, and I guess Leslie saw my expressions and they all left. I was in there alone and I later found out Leslie told my mom she thought she should come in there.. she can read my mind. :) So my mom, dad, and Nana came back in. I was in SO MUCH PAIN. Really, I thought my ribs were slowly breaking, that's no exaggeration.. I wanted Adam up there so bad. Mom was on one side of the bed and dad was on the other.. mom said, you're having a contraction, just breathe through it.. I could feel every bit of it. I started to cry.. I was squeezing the crap out of their hands and finally my dad said, "I can't stay in here and watch her like this." So I asked mom to get the nurse so she could put more medicine in my epidural or something. When she came in she said I'll just go ahead and check you.. so everyone left, just me and the nurse. It was around 3:15 pm. She said, "Honey, the reason why you're hurting so bad is because you're having a baby, I can see her head." HOLY COW!! That was quick. I had no time to be scared, no time to panic, nothing.. She said, "Where's Adam? You better call him, I'm going to call the doctor." I didn't have time to even think about calling Adam. So she called Dr. Beckner and told them to tell him he better get there QUICK! Luckily, Adam came walking in and my mom came in too...WHERE WERE MY SISTERS?? Work.. this happened earlier than expected. Jessica got off at 3:00, Alisha didn't get off until 5.  When Adam came in she said.. "let me show you something," and showed Adam Lillie's head.. His eyes were as big as golf balls. 

I didn't do any prep pushes before Dr. Beckner came in there, because I would have had her. Dad said Dr. Beckner came running down the hall.. I can only imagine, weird but I think he is so cute. Don't worry, Adam knows about it. haha. So he came in and like 30 seconds later my sister (Jess) comes busting in the door. I just said.."That's my sister!" She said they weren't going to let her in but she went anyways. I told the nurse I was going to throw up, she said that I wasn't, it was just how I felt.. I started puking all over the place.. Thank God for Adam holding my barf bag, mom wiping my face, and my sister there to take pictures. I pushed maybe 8 times, I honestly didn't think I had any more energy to push,  and Dr. Beckner said her heart rate (Lillie's) was dropping and asked for that vacuum thing they use..game time. I pushed 2 times, with everything I had.. I wasn't about to put Lillie in any danger, and I didn't want them using that vacuum thing either. Dr. Beckner just said. "Nevermind!"  Weird thing, the nurse asked if I wanted to get her.. I said "me?" She said "Yes! You can get her." That was weird, kinda, but it was cool too.

 

 Welcome to the world, Lillie Elizabeth Hood. 3:47 pm. I told you it was quick.

 

We cried, both of us. All I wanted to hear was a cry, and when I did, it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I was a mom, Adam was a dad, two people so in love created the most wonderful, beautiful, special, miracle. I had my own family now, I was fully responsible for another persons life. Whew.

One thing I knew for sure the moment Adam first laid eyes on Lillie, he was going to be the best dad ever. I had no doubt. Seeing them together, and seeing Adam look at her, and look at me when I had her, that was a miracle in itself.  She's so blessed to have a dad like him, and I'm so blessed to have him stick by me and help me.

This is when he first laid eyes on Lillie.

 

<3

 

Lillie Elizabeth Hood

5 lbs. 7.3 oz.

3:47 pm

September 25, 2012

21 inches long

 

I'm still amazed.

 

Ready to go home!!

Pregnancy probs..

The start of my pregnancy was wonderful, no complications, no sickness, no aches and pains, no swelling, it was the perfect pregnancy. Until I was about 6 months pregnant, I felt great. Other than those awful kidney infections, never had one until I was pregnant. Then Adam and I went to the beach with my sister and brother in law and that done me in, I guess it was the traveling. The first day there- had to call my doctor, ask if they would call me in some medicine to the CVS in Myrtle Beach, the same medicine I had taken the couple times before during pregnancy when I had that infection. Adam and I went to CVS, I had to make random trips to the bathroom to throw up while I was waiting, I was crying... I literally thought I was dying. I couldn't get in the ocean or the pool. (not that I want to get in the ocean, I hate it) I mostly stayed in the hotel. I felt so bad for Adam because he stayed right there with me and tried to make me feel better, good thing he doesn't like the ocean either. I got better around day 3 of our miserable vacation and was alright the rest of the time. But when I got home, I got another one and had to go in to see my doctor. Turns out my cervix was shortening and Lillie basically quit growing. Boom..bed rest until 38 weeks. I could go to the bathroom, shower, and fix something to eat. That was it. Misery. But, whatever I had to do to keep my babes safe. I had to go have an ultrasound of my kidneys done, she didn't see anything, then I had to start going to the doctor twice a week. Tuesdays- Dr. Beckner, usually just  an ultrasound and a 5 minute appointment. Fridays- Dr. Lodeiro (the specialist) Ultrasound-Growth ultrasounds, fluid measurements, and 5 minute appointment. Boooo.. After all the crap they told me, turns out my baby girl was is perfect, just tiny.  Dr. Beckner said after the afterbirth.. (eww) that it was more than likely because my placenta was small it wasn't allowing any room for Lillie to grow, and my cord wasn't getting enough blood flow to her, so she wasn't getting all she needed. So he sent that off to wherever they send it to be checked. I asked him if my pregnancies would always be this way and thankfully he said no, every pregnancy is different.. maybe round 2 won't be so bad. All in all, whatever I went through, how scared I stayed, she was fine, she's perfect, and I'd do it all over again to have her.

More on the actual birth day later.. :)

 

Gender Ultrasound

It's a GIRL!!

(we were hoping for a boy, but I love my girly girl more than anything.)

Gender ultrasound again. Present were my hubs, mom, and two sisters.

At Hardees after a baseball game.  Around 4 months.

Adam's friends wedding in Gatlinburg.7 months.

First we had each other.

Then we had you.

Now we have everything.

Before the Gray fair. 8 months.

Beach trip.. feeling much better here.

I love him.

Sleepy boy on our first hospital stay.

The scariest day of my life..

So, I had this app on my phone called My Days, you can mark the start day and end day of your 'cycle' and it tells you what should be your start day the next month. Mine was always right, I always started on the day it said. Except this time, I was 6 days late. I thought it was just because I was stressed because of the new semester of college, I was wrong, really wrong.

 

 

January 26, 2011.

I couldn't be pregnant, no way.. I just couldn't, because that stuff doesn't happen to 19 year olds who aren't ready for it, right? I didn't feel pregnant, I didn't look pregnant, I wasn't sick...nada. So, I was talking to Ashley Hall, and she told me to come and take a pregnancy test.. so I did.  She told me to just hand it to her when I got done, and not to look at it. So here I was, peeing on a stick, put the lid on it, let that little sucker sit, I went to hand it to Ashley and accidentally looked... HOLY. CRAP. I almost hit the floor. Remember that line from Juno? "That little pink plus sign is so unholy?" On point, Juno.. good job.  Anyways, I said....oh no.. Ashley!!!! And she busted through the door, all she said was "Oh my gosh, Kristy.. oh gosh, it'll be okay." I didn't cry.. I just kept staring at it. I cried for like 5 minutes a little while later, cause what's the use in crying, it's not going to make me unpregnant. Anyways, to make a long story short, I emailed Adam, who was working at Rye Cove Middle School at the time and told him we were having dinner at Ashley and Anthony's that night so I'd see him later. I rode to their house with Ashley, after taking 3 more pregnancy tests.

I took 2 more when I got to their house, I thought Adam was going to be mad at me.. What a stupid thought, huh? How could he possibly be mad when .. well, it takes two to tango. He couldn't, but still that's what I thought. Adam and I had been joking about me being pregnant, we were stupid and didn't think it was going to happen so of course, as soon as he walks in he said.. "Hey babe!! What's wrong? You pregnant?" I just said, "Hey! No." I'm a dirty liar.  So we ate, tacos to be exact, and the whole time Anthony kept looking at me and laughing because I was giving Adam some awkward looks I guess, then I let him go upstairs with Anthony for a while to chill out before I dropped the bomb on him. Then finally Ashley said, okay.. go tell him. So that I did.. I went upstairs and Anthony came down, I said I had to pee.. went into the bathroom, put 3 of the 8 pregnancy tests I had already taken into the back of my pants and came back out. Adam gave me a kiss, I asked him how his day went, we goofed off then I said.. well, I have to tell you something. And he just looked at me, I don't know what was running through his mind since I had already told him I wasn't pregnant but.. I handed him the pregnancy tests and he just paused. He looked at me and said.. "those aren't yours!" and I said.."Yes they are Adam, I'm pregnant." He says. "No, those are Ashley's, those aren't yours.." So after trying to convince him, I told him I would take another one. This time it was a digital one, I said.. "Don't watch it, cause it's going to be like a slap in the face when it pops up pregnant" But he did, and surprisingly, he just grabbed me and kissed me, hugged me, kissed me again, told me it was going to be okay, kissed me again. I was shocked.. It hit him about 15 mins later, he was pale as a ghost.

poor thing looks half drunk..

So, we handled it.. Adam looked for a permanent job, I took care of myself, make doctors appointments, did what I had to do.

We had our first doctors appointment on Feb. 15, 2011, with Dr. Beckner at Holston Valley. By the way, Dr. Beckner is THE best doctor ever.. I highly recommend him. He just makes you feel so comfortable and calm. First ultrasound- done by Brandi, I heard the heartbeat and just looked at Adam like.. What are we going to do?  I'll NEVER forget what Dr. Beckner said. I was sitting on the table, he was asking how I was feeling, if I had any problems so far, and then he looked at me and said, "Are you okay?" and I said.."shew, yeah." And he said, "It'll get better, hopefully I'll see a smile in the later appointments."

Look how teeny.. .

 



I love Lillie more than life, more than anything in the world, but I was SO upset. I was scared, nervous, sad, depressed, whatever. I wasn't ready for a baby, this wasn't the way my life was suppose to go. I was suppose to go to college, get married, THEN have a baby.. but it didn't work that way, and that's okay, because it's working for us now. I have so much fun with Lillie, and had I known everything was going to be okay, that I would be as happy as I am now, I wouldn't have been a bit scared. I was mostly just scared of telling my dad...

One thing I need to make clear before I end this blog.. I HATE HATE HATE it when I see people or hear people say.. "They're engaged, she must be pregnant." I seen a facebook post that said that once (not about me, about someone else) and I couldn've gone crazy. A baby isn't a reason to get married... you don't get married unless you love each other, because if you don't love each other, you'll make your baby's life miserable right along with your own life. Yes, people make mistakes, some people mean to get pregnant first, and if that's how they want to do it... go.for.it. That wasn't mine and Adams case, we didn't mean to get pregnant before we got married, but we did.