The scariest day of my life..

So, I had this app on my phone called My Days, you can mark the start day and end day of your 'cycle' and it tells you what should be your start day the next month. Mine was always right, I always started on the day it said. Except this time, I was 6 days late. I thought it was just because I was stressed because of the new semester of college, I was wrong, really wrong.

 

 

January 26, 2011.

I couldn't be pregnant, no way.. I just couldn't, because that stuff doesn't happen to 19 year olds who aren't ready for it, right? I didn't feel pregnant, I didn't look pregnant, I wasn't sick...nada. So, I was talking to Ashley Hall, and she told me to come and take a pregnancy test.. so I did.  She told me to just hand it to her when I got done, and not to look at it. So here I was, peeing on a stick, put the lid on it, let that little sucker sit, I went to hand it to Ashley and accidentally looked... HOLY. CRAP. I almost hit the floor. Remember that line from Juno? "That little pink plus sign is so unholy?" On point, Juno.. good job.  Anyways, I said....oh no.. Ashley!!!! And she busted through the door, all she said was "Oh my gosh, Kristy.. oh gosh, it'll be okay." I didn't cry.. I just kept staring at it. I cried for like 5 minutes a little while later, cause what's the use in crying, it's not going to make me unpregnant. Anyways, to make a long story short, I emailed Adam, who was working at Rye Cove Middle School at the time and told him we were having dinner at Ashley and Anthony's that night so I'd see him later. I rode to their house with Ashley, after taking 3 more pregnancy tests.

I took 2 more when I got to their house, I thought Adam was going to be mad at me.. What a stupid thought, huh? How could he possibly be mad when .. well, it takes two to tango. He couldn't, but still that's what I thought. Adam and I had been joking about me being pregnant, we were stupid and didn't think it was going to happen so of course, as soon as he walks in he said.. "Hey babe!! What's wrong? You pregnant?" I just said, "Hey! No." I'm a dirty liar.  So we ate, tacos to be exact, and the whole time Anthony kept looking at me and laughing because I was giving Adam some awkward looks I guess, then I let him go upstairs with Anthony for a while to chill out before I dropped the bomb on him. Then finally Ashley said, okay.. go tell him. So that I did.. I went upstairs and Anthony came down, I said I had to pee.. went into the bathroom, put 3 of the 8 pregnancy tests I had already taken into the back of my pants and came back out. Adam gave me a kiss, I asked him how his day went, we goofed off then I said.. well, I have to tell you something. And he just looked at me, I don't know what was running through his mind since I had already told him I wasn't pregnant but.. I handed him the pregnancy tests and he just paused. He looked at me and said.. "those aren't yours!" and I said.."Yes they are Adam, I'm pregnant." He says. "No, those are Ashley's, those aren't yours.." So after trying to convince him, I told him I would take another one. This time it was a digital one, I said.. "Don't watch it, cause it's going to be like a slap in the face when it pops up pregnant" But he did, and surprisingly, he just grabbed me and kissed me, hugged me, kissed me again, told me it was going to be okay, kissed me again. I was shocked.. It hit him about 15 mins later, he was pale as a ghost.

poor thing looks half drunk..

So, we handled it.. Adam looked for a permanent job, I took care of myself, make doctors appointments, did what I had to do.

We had our first doctors appointment on Feb. 15, 2011, with Dr. Beckner at Holston Valley. By the way, Dr. Beckner is THE best doctor ever.. I highly recommend him. He just makes you feel so comfortable and calm. First ultrasound- done by Brandi, I heard the heartbeat and just looked at Adam like.. What are we going to do?  I'll NEVER forget what Dr. Beckner said. I was sitting on the table, he was asking how I was feeling, if I had any problems so far, and then he looked at me and said, "Are you okay?" and I said.."shew, yeah." And he said, "It'll get better, hopefully I'll see a smile in the later appointments."

Look how teeny.. .

 



I love Lillie more than life, more than anything in the world, but I was SO upset. I was scared, nervous, sad, depressed, whatever. I wasn't ready for a baby, this wasn't the way my life was suppose to go. I was suppose to go to college, get married, THEN have a baby.. but it didn't work that way, and that's okay, because it's working for us now. I have so much fun with Lillie, and had I known everything was going to be okay, that I would be as happy as I am now, I wouldn't have been a bit scared. I was mostly just scared of telling my dad...

One thing I need to make clear before I end this blog.. I HATE HATE HATE it when I see people or hear people say.. "They're engaged, she must be pregnant." I seen a facebook post that said that once (not about me, about someone else) and I couldn've gone crazy. A baby isn't a reason to get married... you don't get married unless you love each other, because if you don't love each other, you'll make your baby's life miserable right along with your own life. Yes, people make mistakes, some people mean to get pregnant first, and if that's how they want to do it... go.for.it. That wasn't mine and Adams case, we didn't mean to get pregnant before we got married, but we did.