New Mommy Thoughts..

Most of you know I have 4 nieces and 1 nephew who I absolutely adore. Elijah is the oldest and the only boy. He was born in 2006, and I've been baby sitting and taking care of these little cuties since then.  I was 13 when Elijah was born, and I watched him for a few hours alone for the first time when he was about a month old. I'm just comfortable with babies, I'm good at figuring out what they want, I'm good at changing them, bathing them, feeding them, anything .. I'm not trying to brag on me, I'm just telling the truth. I've given them baths when they were just weeks old, I drag them around everywhere, I like for them to spend the night, I could fix their bottles in a matter of seconds, whatever you can think of. They just came natural to me. I thought anyways.

Elijah Matthew, He'll be 7 next month! The only boy!

He doesn't like pictures, so you have to take what you can get.

He's the shy guy.

Audrey Taylor. 4 going on 20.

Total diva.

Alexis Nichole. Also 4. She's the rowdy one.

Brooklyn Alexandra. Getting her dance on here. 2 years old.

She's the little dare devil.

Addison Jade. 1 year. Into everything.

 

Then came my own, Lillie, of course. I didn't really freak out when I had her in the hospital. Kinda though. All of my nieces weighed over 8 pounds when they were born and Elijah was 7lbs 14 oz. So he almost made the cut. Lillie was a whole big 5 lbs 7.3 oz. I thought I was going to break her when I was changing her clothes. That was my only worry in the hospital. I was fine with changing her diapers, cleaning the umbilical cord, I've done all of that before. I also breast fed for a bit so that was new, of course. I'd never even seen it, both of my sisters bottle fed.

Coming home was another story. I of course sat in the back with her, Adam drove us home, I held her head the whole time and on my parents road I made Adam go like 20 mph. He didn't go very fast on the 4 lane either, he was nervous himself. The day after we got home we gave Lillie her first bath. Oh man, I freaked out. Flat out. I'd given them baths before that little, just not my own. I got so hateful with Adam because I was afraid Lillie was getting cold and he couldn't get the little aluminum covering off of her soap. My mom kept saying Kristy! It's okay. You've done this before.. Well, it's a whole different story when it's your own baby. We got her dressed, and I just went in the room and cried my eyes out. I still had my "crazy hormones." I freaked out after I fed her at night because I was afraid she would spit up and choke on it. I had Adam there to help me (on the weekends, we didn't live together yet.) but I still wouldn't wake him up to feed her. I don't know if it's because I didn't want to go downstairs to get him or because I wouldn't let anyone else feed her, because I was scared they wouldn't do it like I did, and they wouldn't tilt her enough so she wouldn't choke, or they would tilt her too much and she would roll over and suffocate. I can't count the number of times my mom tried to get up with her to help me out. I only let her like 3 times, other than that.. nope. And when she would bring her back to put her in her bassinet, I'd have to make sure she was okay. Maybe I won't freak out so much with our next baby.

See how tiny? Excuse him.. he had a dip in his mouth.

See how annoyed and mad Adam looks?

My fault.

 

I think I've got the mommy thing down pat now. I know Lillie's cries, I know when she wants to be left alone, I know when she's tired, all of that. I was never nervous about being able to care for her, I knew I'd figure out her needs. I still get nervous about some things, what to do when she's really sick, what kind of medicines to give her.. all that. She had her first set of shots and got a fever and I freaked out. I usually text my sister and Leslie when I have a question or need to know something quick that I'm worried about. Especially Leslie if it's late, Jessica goes to bed pretty early. haha Then she got a little bit of a cold, I hated putting those stupid saline drops in her nose and sucking her out, she hated it too. I just recently started her on some oatmeal with her formula and I worry every time I give it to her that she will get constipated. Now I'm just waiting on the teething process, she's drooling and chewing on everything already so it's just a matter of time. Poor thing. I wish I could go through the pain for her and in comes her new teeth! I'm sure every mommy feels that way, but unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way.

 

 

My other new mommy thought, it probably sounds dumb but I think about it a lot. Even though Lillie wasn't planned and she IS the best thing that's ever happened to me, I kind of feel bad for bringing her into a world like this one. Where I have to worry about sending her to school, or letting her go to the mall, this place is going crazy. I wouldn't trade the little chunk for anything but sometimes I feel kind of selfish. She's only getting older and the world is only getting crazier. I know it's later for her, and she doesn't have a care in the world but I worry about it. Who would have thought we would have to worry about our kids going to school? At first I thought I'll just home school her, but I can't do that to her. I don't want her to miss out on field trips, sports, prom, dances, football games, bonfires, close knit friendships, all the things that come with school. I know that I can't live in fear but it's hard not to worry already. I'll just have to trust in God to take care of her.