How did I get so lucky?

I guess it's not luck, it's God.

Tonight I am feeling so incredibly blessed to have my little angel. Lillie is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yes, I love Adam more and more each day but I can't describe my love for Lillie. Really, it's incomprehensible. The little smiles she gives me every morning when we wake up melts my heart. I LOVE my sleep, but how could I complain when I have someone so precious to wake up to? I would rather not sleep another minute in my life than not have her. Those blue eyes are to die for and all the brightness that they hold, those little plump cheeks, legs, and belly.. It all just drives me crazy. I have never had as much fun with someone as I have my 6 month old daughter.

My reason for this blog tonight is because of my little break down I just had. If you aren't a Christian or about religion, you can skip this part, but I'm not sorry for including it. Every single night, I say a prayer specifically for Lillie, and tonight after I gave her a night night kiss, I was standing above her crib and started praying for her.  I just thank God for giving me her and ask that He will always keep his hand on her, and allow me to be the mother He would have me to be.  (That's the just of it, I'm not going to explain every detail.) I have my worries, I see kids with cancer and think 'If that ever happens to Lillie, what will I do?' I see sick kids, kids that lose their lives far too young due to accidents, whether it be car accidents, or a different type. But, as I lay here tonight, I just feel peaceful. I just feel like God is going to take care of her. She is totally in His hands.  I will raise her, with Adam, to the best of my ability to go along with God.  I will ask him about the many decisions I have to make for her before making them, I will teach her how to pray, how to love God, and about God, and the rest is up to Him.

Really, Lillie saved me. Before I got pregnant with her, I was nowhere near living like I should have been living.  She allowed me to see the person I needed to be, the person I want to be, not only for Lillie, but for myself, and for my family. She taught me how to love, she allowed me to feel love like I have never felt. Sometimes I think, 'God, how did you do that? How did you send Your son down here to die for us?' Because, if it were me that had to send Lillie to die for other peoples sins, I will be honest, no.. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't send her to die so that other people could be saved.  That may seem selfish but I can't lie, I wouldn't do it.  See, that's how much God cares about us.  He sent His son, the only one he had, to die for other peoples sins. Are we really that worthy? We are to God. I never thought like that until I had Lillie, because I never knew that kind of love. I never knew what it was like to love someone unconditionally, and now I do. Lillie made a big change in my life, I grew up because of her. I'm where I want to be with God, (except I can only hope to grow closer) I have a beautiful family, and I'm 100% happy with everything.

Adam and I were talking tonight and we have come to the conclusion that we can't help but spoil her. She's so perfect.  As soon as Adam comes home, the first thing he wants to do is play with Lillie, and it's so sweet.  She cracks up at him all the time like he's the best thing on earth and she smiles straight for the first 30 minutes that he's home it seems like.  We get frustrated sometimes because she can be a handful, but really, she's a good baby.  She doesn't like unfamiliar faces and she gets scared in a big crowd, but how can I blame her? It's me and her all the time, and Adam in the evenings, we don't go out much right now because it's so cold, and other than ball games, she's never in  large crowds.  She does really well with family members, but other than that, NOPE. Don't get her out of her comfort zone. I've never really thought about it this way until recently, but aren't we all a little uncomfortable in unfamiliar places? We just know how to handle it, all she knows how to do is cry. Other than that, she's a happy girl.

My favorite thing to watch her do at the moment is jump in her Jumparoo.  She LOVES it and those little legs go 100 mph. I better be careful, she might work those little fat rolls I love so much off. :) Her favorite thing to do is jump, look in the mirror,  and watch people take a drink. Weird, huh? She also likes drinking out of my water bottles, which is SO cute. She's getting to where she reaches for everything, I can no longer hold her and text because it's the biggest struggle of my life. She likes to kick and when she gets really excited she screams as loud as she can. (another favorite of mine) She really likes to watch basketball on TV because all of the running back and forth but she's into sprout too. She doesn't have a preference yet, as long as there are a lot of colors, but my favorite it Super Why!

My big girl is 6 months old today, isn't that unbelievable? Time sure does fly, and I love her more with each passing second. I can't believe in another SHORT 6 months, I'll be having her very first birthday party and watching her hit many new milestones in her life. I love you, Lillie Bug; and I enjoy watching you grow. Thank you for teaching me so much about love, life, and myself. You're a true miracle and blessing.

Growing and Growing.

My little 5 lb 7 oz baby isn't so little anymore. She's growing faster than I can handle and learning new things every single day. This blog might be useless and no fun to read, but the point of my blogs is that one day I will be able to come back to them and remember all of the things going on in my new life.

This is all of the important dates in Lillie's life so far.
9-28-12- First doctors appointment. 5 lbs 5 oz. 18.5 inches long.
10-4-12-Her umbilical cord fell of. BLECK! Thank God.
10-5-12- Second doctors appointment. Weight check, 6 lbs.
10-26-12- Doctor for weight check.- 8 lbs 5 oz 20 1/2 in.
10-29-12- First time sucking her thumb.
11-9-12-Rolled over to her belly, more out of frustration, she was trying to get her pacy.
11-11-12- First time at church, pastors appreciation day.
12-11-12- Lillie's first set of shots. :(  12 lbs 5 oz/ 22 inches
1-8-13- Held her toy on her seat by herself.
1-11-13- Held her bottle for a little bit on her own.
1-22-13- Laughed out loud at daddy.
1-24-13- Laughed out loud at mommy.
1-24-13- Started oatmeal in her bottle.
2-11-13- Doctor. 2nd set of shots. 16.5 lbs.
2-16-13-Started on baby food. Bananas first.
2-22-13- Discovered her voice. She figured out how to scream and she loves it.
3-1-13- Lillie grabbed her toes.
3-4-13- Sat up on her own for about 10 seconds.

Lillie is SO smart. Thankfully, we've got on our routine and she puts herself to sleep. She takes a nice 2 hour nap during the day in her crib giving me some time to get caught up on house work or just relax and maybe take a nap myself.  She's learned to jump in her 'jumparoo' and she loves laying in the floor now. Currently, we are working on rolling over, she's yet to accomplish getting her shoulders over but she's got the hips and legs down pat. I let her lay in the floor and practice on her own, but I don't force her. She will do it when she's ready and strong enough, she has the amount of tummy time she will tolerate and she's doing perfect. Looking in the mirror is hilarious to her, I haven't figured out yet if she's laughing at me or just at the reflection. She has two nice poops during the day, disgusting now and thickening up thanks to baby food.  Speaking of baby food, green beans and peas are her favorite, followed by sweet potatoes and pears.  She HATES apples and peaches, she gives apples a chance but she won't even try with the peaches, she gags every bite. If she's gets off schedule she's a bit well, psycho, but that's alright, aren't we all a little grouchy when our sleep routine is messed up.  I have to say she's calmed down some, she rarely has her fits but she doesn't do well with people she's not familiar with.  I wish she wasn't that way, that she was a people person and one of those babies that don't seem to care who has them, but she's not and that's okay. She's a mommy's girl so far, she really has no choice, I'm around her 24/7, so she's use to me and I know her needs and cries. 

I couldn't be happier than where I am today. I have my baby girl and a wonderful husband and that's all I need.  Sometimes I'll be holding Lillie or playing with her and I just have to stop for 2 seconds and just say "Thank you, God!" Thank you for my beautiful, healthy angel, thank you for healing her, thank you for waking her up this morning and for another heart beat. I don't know what I did, I'm so unworthy to have all I do, but I'm thankful. Knowing how much she loves me and how much I love her is amazing.  I only hope I can be the parent God wants me to be (and Adam too), and that we always remember to ask for His guidance and do what He would have us to do.

I'm nervous and excited for the years to come of parenting. I'm sure our family will continue to expand (later) and I can only hope that I'll keep a close relationship with my kids and that they can look to Adam and me for advice. Now that I have my own baby, and my own worries, sometimes I just want to go to my mom and say I'M SORRY! I'm sorry for all of the times I was rude and stupid, because I know it will kill me if Lillie acts up towards me and makes me feel like I sometimes made my mom feel. It's not that I was a bad kid, or teen, and was mean to my mom, they raised me better than that and to be honest, my dad would have knocked me across the room had I been that way. But, I did say some things sometimes to my mom that I shouldn't have, I know I've hurt her feelings, I know I've been rude when I didn't always get my way, and I dread the days that Lillie will be like that. I guess if mom and I would have always agreed and always got along, she wouldn't have been a very good mother. I can only hope my Lillie loves me always, even when she doesn't like what I have to say.

Because, one thing I know for sure, I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, love her. More than anything in this world.

1 month old!

2 months!

3 months! 

4 months! 

5 months! 

First time rolling over. 

First shots. Poor thing and her little red eyes.

First time sucking her thumb.